Curcol: Everyone has their own character

Everyone has their own characters, but sometimes doesn’t know exactly who they are. Characters??? Hmm?? I’m just thinking about myself, my characters. I think that it’s easier to understand characters in fiction story. But, they will be more complicated when we talking about the reality. In fiction, they only talk about the main characters of person, but in reality we cannot say that a person is a protagonist or an antagonist. It’s depend on where side you choose to see through his/her characters. And, a lesson that I have got recently is never judge the book from the cover.

In my 22 years, I have met so many people with diifferent characters and it’s become my habit to guessing their characters in first time we meet. But, I have got something new recently. I’ve met new persons and guess their characters, but I got it was all in the wrong way. I think that all of my guesses were bullshit after I looked at them closely. The one that I thought an annoying selfish guy, he’s just a youngest son with his free and creative mindset. Oh ya, he has a neat room, one thing that I never guess about him. Ahahaa... And, I met another one who I thought so capable with her job. But, after I had worked with her, I said I don’t want get a job with people like her anymore. She doesn’t have any capability for giving priority to her jobs, what she has to be done before doing another. She only knows the way to act as a good worker in front of others and get their praise. Hmm, I just think that sometimes I need her trick to become seen better before others. Hehehe...

Then, I recall the way to build a characters in a story, you just have to remember that any people are special. There is no one being ordinary.

“Do you see that girl walking on sidewalk? What do you think about her characters?”

“She is look like an ordinary girl.”

“No, she isn’t. She is a sweet girl who is genius playing piano. She gets the best appreciation in national event when she was 15.”

“How could you know?”

“Because she is one of my workers. Hihiihii... But, that’s the way you have to look at roles in your story, you have to make them as an unordinary people.”

(Part dialog of “Full House”, a Korean drama)

Do you know what has flashed in my mind? The God may do the same way when creating us. No one is ordinary. Everyone have their own roles in this world and they are unique and special. And then, I’m thinking about how many characters can be in this world. Ahahaa, just my abstract thought, forget it. I don’t want to write about it here. Hehee... I just want to say the point that everyone is unique and special.

So, how’s about my characters? I’m just in confusing disturbance. I can’t understand who exactly I am. One of my friend said that I was thinking too much. Another one said that I sometimes had to try being myself, but other said that I have to try being better than myself. But, how could I know that I’m better or not if I don’t understand who I am??? I have just been thinking about it.

My friend said that I too much listened from others, I just had to be myself and let people know who I am. I said  that I just wanted to be a good person, but he asked how a good persons were. I was absolutely quiet. I don’t know what a good person is, even in my perception. So, how have I done my life? I have just done what people want from me or what people thinks it’s good. Then, I asked myself what I wanted. I don’t know. Oh damn, in my 22 years of my life, I don’t know what I want. Hmm, Now I don’t know I have to laugh or sad at myself.

Then, why do I suddenly ask about my characters? Because it become complicated recently. I just felt that there are two side of me. I must leave one side to make another still survive. Ya, I have left her years ago with hoping I could be mature. But, she has recently came back and told me to change my character again. I don’t know who I am in real. May I be both of sides or just one side? May I be just bored with my life now? That’s why I just want be free and try become another me. But, I know that I must choose. Yes, I must. And now, I’m still thinking about how a good one can be and what exactly my character is...