Curcol: Innocence in three years

 Three years, I hope it wasn’t too fast. I have finished my 7th midterm test, so it must be more then three years. Ya, it must be three years that I have been passed without realizing. When talking about having passed the time, I’m thinking about the change. What have been changed in me? Three years is not short time to try the best become an independent in this new place. New place, new town, without knowing much about others. Not much people I knew. Yeah, I felt lonely but also I felt happy that I could live far away from my family.

One of my biggest problem in new place is that I’m not an easy person to make relation with others. I’m not good in joining social relation. Everything was felt so strange and made me uncomfort. Even, I feel it that way right now, too. I could adapt to myself, but not with others. I can’t make me always like their perception and also they can’t too. Sometimes, it made me sad, made me feel alone, made me feel tired, but it’s me. I cannot be always like what all people want. Selfish? Egoist? Maybe, it is. Yeah, it is me.

Ah ya, back to the topic about changed and, in my opinion, nothing gonna changed is impossible. One of them is like starting to listen rock as my music recentlly. Before of it, I couldn’t really enjoy rock. Not many rock song that I could hear, except some of anime soundtrack. That is one of some reason, I have listened the music of NoisyCell recently.It’s a Japanese rock band that one of its song is a soundtrack of Barakamon, an anime that I have watched. The entitled of the song is ‘Innocence’, it becomes my favorite one in its album. Even it is a Japanese band, its song is written in English, so I can more easily to understand it. I have looked for the liryc of ‘Innocence, so you can enjoy it too. This song has hard japanese rock music, but I love the way it could touch me.

Innocence - NoisyCell

"It's is five O 'Clock", an evening-glow tells me

A Treasure of our memories, it's become empty, somehow

You held out a small hand, Smiling, like to you it was so natural

It may have no meaning, but it is something I can not do

You touched my hand without thinking, but it was nice for me

All the time that we believed, that the world's in our hands

We were wrong, maybe it wasn't, I just wanna hope so,

when I'm holding your hand

"Would you hold my hand?", Could I have ever said that?

I can't remember...

Why is it unclear?, I guess I'm just not who I used to be

At times I cried and cried, and at times I smiled

All the time we could not believe, that the world's in our hands

We were wrong, In fact it was, cause you're holding my hand now

We have always been part of the world, and the world has never changed

How about you? How about me? We just know that we have changed

All the times that we believed, that the world's in our hands.

We were wrong, maybe it wasn't, cause you're holding my hand now

We've always been part of the world, and the world has never changed

How about you? How about me? We just know that we have changed

At every moment, Everywhere, I can't believe, I can't believe,

when I'm holding your warm hand.

Your warm hand!

At times I cried and cried, and at times I smiled

NoisyCell, I love the music and also the lirycs. I love the way they touch my hearing and also my heart. I like the voice of Ryosuke-san that give a gentle touch in their songs. I like the ‘screaming’ of Ryo-san which always make me startled, but his guitar strains always make me never bored with their songs. And also I like drum beat of Kiyoshi-san that make my heart can also follow their strains. All of these are just like to realizing that someone you love is closed to you. You said that you’re not interested, but after you listen it more, you can fall in his charm too.

This may be one of the changed in three years, enjoying to listen the rock music. And I think that this band has a magical touch to open my heart, which other songs haven’t had it. NoisyCell has something in its music that could make me enjoy the strains. Then, it makes me looking for about them by internet, but there is not much information I get about them. I only know about this album with seven song and one instumental. I think it maybe their debut album, but this is great. I’ll wait their next music.

Yeah, their album has just finished playing (maybe for 3 times, hehehee). I tought have to start my other tasks before they start to play chasing each other for the deadline in my head. Ahahaa... Maybe this is only one of my changing, but the point I want to say in this that there have been many event happening in three years of my live. They have made me like this now and this is me. Do you want to accept me with all of my condittions? Or maybe, do you want to wait for me getting all of my targets, here in my life?

I hoped you had agreed with the second option, because I only wanted to say,

“I'll fly up to you when I catch the wind with my wings.”

(Handa Seishuu- Barakamon).

Curcol: Everyone has their own character

Everyone has their own characters, but sometimes doesn’t know exactly who they are. Characters??? Hmm?? I’m just thinking about myself, my characters. I think that it’s easier to understand characters in fiction story. But, they will be more complicated when we talking about the reality. In fiction, they only talk about the main characters of person, but in reality we cannot say that a person is a protagonist or an antagonist. It’s depend on where side you choose to see through his/her characters. And, a lesson that I have got recently is never judge the book from the cover.

In my 22 years, I have met so many people with diifferent characters and it’s become my habit to guessing their characters in first time we meet. But, I have got something new recently. I’ve met new persons and guess their characters, but I got it was all in the wrong way. I think that all of my guesses were bullshit after I looked at them closely. The one that I thought an annoying selfish guy, he’s just a youngest son with his free and creative mindset. Oh ya, he has a neat room, one thing that I never guess about him. Ahahaa... And, I met another one who I thought so capable with her job. But, after I had worked with her, I said I don’t want get a job with people like her anymore. She doesn’t have any capability for giving priority to her jobs, what she has to be done before doing another. She only knows the way to act as a good worker in front of others and get their praise. Hmm, I just think that sometimes I need her trick to become seen better before others. Hehehe...

Then, I recall the way to build a characters in a story, you just have to remember that any people are special. There is no one being ordinary.

“Do you see that girl walking on sidewalk? What do you think about her characters?”

“She is look like an ordinary girl.”

“No, she isn’t. She is a sweet girl who is genius playing piano. She gets the best appreciation in national event when she was 15.”

“How could you know?”

“Because she is one of my workers. Hihiihii... But, that’s the way you have to look at roles in your story, you have to make them as an unordinary people.”

(Part dialog of “Full House”, a Korean drama)

Do you know what has flashed in my mind? The God may do the same way when creating us. No one is ordinary. Everyone have their own roles in this world and they are unique and special. And then, I’m thinking about how many characters can be in this world. Ahahaa, just my abstract thought, forget it. I don’t want to write about it here. Hehee... I just want to say the point that everyone is unique and special.

So, how’s about my characters? I’m just in confusing disturbance. I can’t understand who exactly I am. One of my friend said that I was thinking too much. Another one said that I sometimes had to try being myself, but other said that I have to try being better than myself. But, how could I know that I’m better or not if I don’t understand who I am??? I have just been thinking about it.

My friend said that I too much listened from others, I just had to be myself and let people know who I am. I said  that I just wanted to be a good person, but he asked how a good persons were. I was absolutely quiet. I don’t know what a good person is, even in my perception. So, how have I done my life? I have just done what people want from me or what people thinks it’s good. Then, I asked myself what I wanted. I don’t know. Oh damn, in my 22 years of my life, I don’t know what I want. Hmm, Now I don’t know I have to laugh or sad at myself.

Then, why do I suddenly ask about my characters? Because it become complicated recently. I just felt that there are two side of me. I must leave one side to make another still survive. Ya, I have left her years ago with hoping I could be mature. But, she has recently came back and told me to change my character again. I don’t know who I am in real. May I be both of sides or just one side? May I be just bored with my life now? That’s why I just want be free and try become another me. But, I know that I must choose. Yes, I must. And now, I’m still thinking about how a good one can be and what exactly my character is...